THE HEART OF THE (LEGAL) MATTER
February 25, 2022
What role should empathy play in the work of legal professionals?
There comes a time when whatever one’s industry or job title, serious consideration of the benefits of demonstrating empathy needs to be considered. Disregard what you’ve learned in so-called corporate “soft skills” classes. Also, it’s not about you needing to be insincere or a phony. You’re not expected to go skipping through the wheat fields like you’re in a pharmaceutical commercial.
For at least two decades studies have shown that active listening is essential to real leadership. In simple terms, active listening means waiting for the other person to stop speaking while you think of what you’re going to say next or whether there is a recyclables pickup in your neighborhood tomorrow. Actively listen
Proving that you are listening to the other person should include at least a few of the following actions:
Maintaining eye contact. Look between their eyes if that’s easier for you.
Repeating back, or paraphrasing parts of what you’ve heard to the other person. Doing this serves two purposes: assuring the other person that you had listened, and by restating it, allowing them the chance to correct any misunderstanding you may have had about what you’d heard.
“So, if I’m hearing you correctly…”
“It sounds like your day has gotten off to a rough start. Let’s grab a coffee and get your day on track.”
“You’re frustrated because your train was late. It’s understandable, I’d feel the same way.”
“You’re being promoted to VP?!? Congratulations!”
Displaying positive non-verbal body language such as nods of understanding, not crossing your arms in a defensive posture, and a sincere smile (or half-smile) also couldn’t hurt!
Asking questions to clarify and confirm your understanding of the topic, and providing thoughtful responses or questions about it will leave no doubt that you’ve listened and understood what you’ve heard. You’re not necessarily saying that you fully agree with them(although you may), just that they’ve been heard.
Using empathy effectively often involves curiosity, caring, and engaging the attention of others in a sincere way that respects their time and begins to gain their trust.
The feeling of being understood by another person can be the key to making a connection, especially in these days of extremely brief attention spans. The best example of this might be when you are the customer in a service example. Almost always what can be more frustrating than the service provider’s failure to resolve your concern are the doubts you may have that they’ve even listened to your concern.
Once the other person uses some of the skills above to make you feel understood, your confidence level immediately rises! You may not even be 100% satisfied with the resolution which you’ve both arrived at, but knowing that the person understood where you were coming from can be a huge help to both people, giving each a sense of satisfaction that is often missing from service interactions.
After all, if they haven’t proven to you that they’ve listened and understood, you’re probably not listening to them very much either.
A professional setting such as an attorney’s office, whether in person or on the phone, is really no different than the retail or restaurant example described above. Whether the discussion is a heated one or a routine one, using the practices described above in an office environment with clients, visitors, and co-employees, can produce equally satisfying results.
Displaying empathy can also prove helpful in positive or celebratory situations. Think about how you respond to others in the office who announce things like engagements, pregnancies, or job promotions. The words and body language you use in those situations are quite similar in making it clear that you’ve heard the good news and how you feel about it.
Try being more conscious of these habits, and aware of how your own behaviors might resemble them, which can help you become a better listener and overall communicator.
Everyone wants to feel that they are being listened to and understood. Prove to the other person that you listened and understand by practicing the suggestions above.
Most people tend to speak more than they listen. How about you? Would you be surprised to know that you slowing down and saying less can often result in the other person thinking of you as a “great conversationalist?” People like to speak, most often about themselves. Try to avoid the temptation to interrupt or say how the subject of discussion impacts you. Next time, just actively listen, use positive body language, and at the right time prove you listened with a thoughtful question or two.
Some people, even the best-intentioned ones, have fallen into the habit of interrupting others during discussions, usually in the excitement of trying to get your talking point into the conversation.
If you listen to the news or spend time on social media these days—or this week—it’s easy for many to believe that negative feelings are reigning supreme. As a result, your clients and co-employees may actually require a different experience than most of us have grown familiar with.
Remember, the other person you are speaking with, whoever they may be, is looking for you to demonstrate your sincerity with some of the items in the bullet points above.
WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?
1. Increased business, loyalty, and referrals.
2. Greater competitive advantage and market value.
3. Expanded engagement and collaboration.
4. Improved relationships.
Starting off with small, but sincere changes in how you interact with others can provide a different experience for your business and personal interactions. Remember that making the other person feel listened to and understood can begin to move mountains in previously difficult relationships.
Do your best to become more self-aware of your behavior, or find a co-employee with who you both might be comfortable exchanging feedback as you both do your best to practice and implement the skills discussed here.
Good luck!
“As a kid my heart would break for the villains.”
